Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
