you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
