I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
