Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
