Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
being pregnant is like rehab
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
