I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
