i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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