I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
