I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
