Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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