Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
