The best revenge is premature balding
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
jump out the window naked night went bad
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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