i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
