you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
