You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
