ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
