somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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