I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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