i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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