I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
