what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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