He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
