I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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