I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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