Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
