I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
