So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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