I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize