so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
