Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
