I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize