ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
