yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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