She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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