My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
