her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
