I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
