WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
tell me about the eggs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
