we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize