Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
