If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
