hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
