its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
