I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
