I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize