omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
