I wish I could punch you in the face.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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