I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
