I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
