Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
