I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize