So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
