I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
