Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
