i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
