what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
