absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
