There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
