i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
