Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize