Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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