you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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