STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
