My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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