hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
