holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
