just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
