he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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